My 40’s Manifesto: YEAR #2

Here we are, entering year 42. The last year has been a year of exponential growth, joy, and inevitable pain. My personal life has gone through dramatic changes. I’ve tested the limits of my physical body and thus worked my way through injury. I’ve learned. I’ve learned how to learn. I have an instinctual feeling that I am on the correct trajectory.

(I also need to rant. There is no f#cking way I am 42? I feel better than I ever have been. I’m healthier, more active, and better mentally equipped! This age number is really a thorn in my side. I feel actual anger when I think about it! What have I been doing to waste all of this time and arrive now to some semblance of a good place?)

Anyhow…

In my last update, I updated the tenets to my manifesto as follows…

1. Connect & Engage in Relationships
2. Be Authentic Without Sacrifice
3. Accept Love With Grace
4. Think Deeply
5. Go Public

Here is where I sit currently.

Connect & Engage in Relationships

I feel more connected to the people in my life than ever. Though there is no unit of measure for this particular tenet, the feeling of progress is there. I’ve reconnected with old friends pursuing creative projects. I’ve had a part in reconnecting friends that have been estranged. I’ve made time for family and connected via phone conversations, letters, and visits. I’ve more openly communicated my feelings and thoughts to those closest to me.

I recently connected with an old mentor. It was important to me that he knew the specific ways in which his teachings are alive in my daily life.

Also, I’ve focused on relationships not as close or deep as family and lifelong friends. I make small talk with people in public, compliment others more readily, and have joined some online groups. I have begun piano lessons to advance my musical skills and in the hope to surround myself with more like-minded people.

As funny as it may be, I had a close call with my cat. There was a brief moment I believed he may die. Since then, I’ve more deeply come to appreciate the companionship he offers. I certainly feel more connected to him. I have a greater understanding of people’s connection to their pets.

In sum, I am more connected, yet I desire more of a sense of community. I plan to take additional steps in joining or starting a community.

Be Authentic Without Sacrifice

The challenge with authenticity has been coming to terms with my parameters, my limits. It’s been a process of self-awareness. I’ve had to learn to say no and express my inability to take part or take on. This is a challenge, I always want to say yes.

Drawing boundaries is difficult to do in your 40’s because there is a significant history in which boundaryless habits have been created. I’ve come to learn that not drawing boundaries is inauthentic in that you are offering yourself to others beyond who you truly are and what you can truly bring to the table.

In living alone, you become aware of how other people affect your thoughts and actions in your own space. I had a house guest for a week, it was a conscious choice to be authentic and not adjust who I was due to their presence. I wasn’t selfish or inconsiderate, but instead just existed in my own authenticity.

In the past, I’ve downplayed or hidden parts of myself for fear of judgment in the presence of others. For example, I listen to a lot of podcasts. With others around, I may listen to more music. Historically, maybe even music they are more likely to enjoy. I wish to be one hundred percent myself and stand strong in the things I believe and like to do.

It is not necessary to bend the image of myself for others or me.

Accept Love With Grace

The more I work in the context of these tenets, the more I realize their interconnectedness. Accepting Love With Grace is just another way to stay within my authenticity and allow others to experience theirs.

I received a birthday gift, a really nice gift. In my family, when someone did something really nice for you, it is common practice to make the claim that the gift is too extravagant and proclaim we’re not worthy of such a gift. This was my initial reaction. But then I thought, “I shouldn’t feel guilty or unworthy of the gift! Let’s just clear the emotional deck except for the feelings of gratitude.” I had a sense of pride at the automatic awareness and cognitive adjustement that was made in the situation.

Think Deeply

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the time I have set aside to think each day. I think things through more deeply and attempt to not be in a constant state of rush. I used to think to myself “I don’t have time to think about that!” I make the time to consider ideas that are of interest.

I have deepened my study into psychology, particularly in the area of flow (there are several articles on FLOW here.) This study, taking place through the Flow Research Collective, is truly changing my life for the better.

Perhaps the most impactful thing I have done this year in relation to thinking deeply has been participating in Jordan B. Peterson’s Self-Authoring Suite. In this course, you are directed to write on your virtues, weaknesses, past, and future by way of various prompts. I signed up for the “suite” as a way to enhance my writing ability. Secondarily, I set out to have a stronger framework for setting goals for the future. What I experienced was certainly beneficial for improving my writing. I also set some goals for the future. The real impact came when I completed the Past Authoring part of the course.

I could sum the lessons I’ve learned in the course by saying that the story we tell ourselves daily becomes something different when you write it down. It’s not that our traumas can be erased or past situations immediately reconciled, but it’s a close second. In writing down the stories I’ve told to myself, I was able to more clearly see my patterns. I could identify the why’s behind the patterns of poor decisions. Also, the things that I thought were really bad…well they weren’t as I thought. On the other hand, some of the things I didn’t think were so bad did a lot more damage than I realized.

I have deepened my mindfulness practice and greatly improved my yoga practice as well.

Of course, everything needs balance. I was speaking to a leader in my organization and he mentioned that thinking deeply in my case is bad when it stifles your action. (He didn’t say this exactly, but I realized this upon what he said).

It’s true.

Think, but take actions upon those thoughts when you can and should.

Go Public

How do you do this?

Share ideas.

Share creations, creativity.

This tenet can tie back to a longing for community.

In May (update #2), I initially added this idea. Essentially, I want to better market myself. I want to be a brand, a legacy. I have begun study in this area and am slowly growing my knowledge. But all said, I have done the least growing in this area.

I’d like to see myself putting more of the “largeness inside of me” out into the world.

Goals

In my 42nd year, I’d like to set the following goals for each tenet.

• Connect & Engage in Relationships
  • Goal: Continue to deepen relationships. Grow a network of more “superficial relationships.”
• Be Authentic Without Sacrifice
  • Don’t second guess my boundaries. Feel good about being where I am.
• Accept Love With Grace
  • Personal Relationship: If one were to form, do not allow Codependent behaviors to enter.
• Think Deeply
  • Balance. Thinking deeply gives you an edge until it robs you of action. Wisdom is taking action on the thoughts you can and should.
• Go Public
  • I’d like to have my “coach” training completed by December. Then, coach somebody!

Thanks for being part of my journey…