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My 40’s Manifesto #7

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What a remarkable year already, even a quarter way in. Growth continues to occur exponentially. I’ve joined some great communities supporting my journey. When I look back at the December entry, it feels like I don’t recognize the person that wrote it! Or, that I have grown beyond those ideas… closer to the most authentic version of myself.

I am more secure with what I would have previously considered my shortcomings. Some things that I’ve experienced recently would have been catastrophic to an older version of myself. But with a greater degree of self-compassion and acceptance, they are merely things to work on and through.

Let’s visit the tenets of My 40’s Manifesto

Connects & Engages in Relationships

The Vision: The value of my life should be sourced from relationships.

I am connected like never before. I feel “in it” with others. There is no agenda, just connection. I experience this with coaching sessions, yoga school, work, and in my relationships. I am part of something larger than myself. I’ve also reconsidered past relationships. I have extracted the good to be found at deeper levels of consideration.

I’ve traveled to visit friends and had new wonderful experiences with others.

I’ve dated a bit. Though it’s a learning curve, connections were found. Even if it wasn’t meant to be long-term. It’s been good. I am on the right track.

Compassion is a tool for connection. Compassion for others cannot be greater than your own self-compassion. There is a lesson in a full understanding of this.

Be Authentic without Sacrifice

The Vision: To be 100% to the core authentic with no second thought.

If you don’t have boundaries, people won’t have the opportunity to know who you really are. And those who care for you will love and accept your shortcomings. I feel the tendency to sacrifice these boundaries as I venture into forming new relationships. I struggle with being disappointed with others and myself but am working towards acceptance one hundred percent of the time.

I feel like its a modern trope to declare ourselves gritty and messy, but when it comes down to it we often hide the chaos in our lives from those closest to us. It can be scary and difficult, but it is necessary to fully experience true connection. Relationships are defined by their function in the not-so-good times. Without authenticity, what may arise in life’s storms may be surprising and destructive to the relationship. This is not cool.

Voice your feelings and opinions. Even (and perhaps especially) when you know they are not shared by the other. We are not responsible for how others feel. We are not responsible for how our well-intentioned opinions, thoughts, and actions may make others feel. We should be compassionate, but not at the price of sacrificing ourselves.

Accept Love with Grace

The Vision: Allow love and care to happen without second thought or impedance.

I am working through a bit of some cognitive dissonance with intimacy. I have a functioning anxious/avoidant attachment style. I’m thinking “what if she leaves?” and “what if she stays?” simultaneously. It has me in a bit of a tizzy. But I’m confronting and sharing to the degree I feel comfortable.

I often believe the themes of my experience are different than others. This is partially true. The experiences are unique, the themes often are not. We all want love, acceptance, the manifestation of the vision for our lives, and some security. Often our common struggles are found while grappling with these things. This is helpful to know because others are also experiencing this similarly. The expression of this struggle may translate to ‘love me’! The question is am I open to allowing them to love me?

It could be said that one’s love for themselves cannot exceed the degree to which one loves themselves. And this is true. It is related to self-compassion. This is a tough one because we all have the voice in our heads talking down to us. This occurs in ways that are often so obvious we may not be able to see it.

Not accepting love looks like pushing people away or not allowing others close to you, being cold and not receptive, not returning calls, texts, or emails. It can show up as shit-talking yourself so that you don’t appear that you’re trying to be ‘superior’. When in actuality, you’re simply sharing your experience.

*Experience Deeply

Headline! I am updating one of the tenets. While I think it is important to “Think Deeply” (that will remain part of this tenet) I intend to expand this experience into the whole realm of experience.

Historically, I have had so many events in life happen right before me that I’ve been a part of, but I’ve only had a surface experience. I was not mentally or spiritually present.

So the vision is slightly changed:

The Vision: To source attention, wisdom, peace, and groundedness in each experience of life.

However, to truly be a source of these holy things for myself and others, I’ll need to be able to experience them more deeply. I began by meditating. This brought me deeper into my life. I then began writing this blog…deeper. My Yoga practice…. has deepened my experience. My habit of nature immersion and trail running has also caused a deepening in my experience. I have taken a mindfulness course as well through Highest Life Design.

People have reached out to me for help. (Flattery was experienced.) I do not take these things for granted. For each interaction, moment of silence, moment of emotion (good or bad), or physical sensation; I will experience it, not judge or dwell on it.

There is something else in this domain…something about awareness and being honest with yourself. There is always a domain of life that gets out of wack easier than the others, for many of us. We all know what it is, but we make excuses for it, and perhaps we don’t do what needs to be done.

I don’t have words for it just yet. But it has to do with facing each domain of your life in a deep way, and not hiding. Even when it seems overwhelming, avoiding the issues will not address them. The obstacle is the way, as Ryan Holiday so helpfully reminds us. Ultimately, it will be our overcoming of the seemingly insurmountable that will provide the best stories, lessons, and tales from our lives.

Go Public

The Vision: To publicly be a source of wisdom, knowledge, and peace for all.

I have considered the way I have been inspired by others. I attempt to put all of those ways into practice. I am very much active on social media sharing ideas that will save people’s emotional lives, allowing them peace. I am working with several coaching clients, helping to facilitate self-directed neuroplasticity. Even the conversations that I’ve had with those who I won’t be working with seem to provide a clear declaration of my purpose in this endeavor – to publicly be known as a source of wisdom, knowledge, and peace for all.

Thank you for reading. I don’t take that blessing for granted.

More blessings to come…

Previous updates:

Update #6

Update #5

Update #4

Update #3

Update #2

Update #1

Ladies and gentlemen, make the most of your time. We only get 4,000-ish weeks….

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