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My 40’s Manifesto: Update #9

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A New Journey…

Where I last left you was a wonderful place. A place of summation and grace. The extended moment of weightlessness a skier must feel at the apex of a jump, where gravity is in mid-reach, readying to pull her back to earth – free for but a moment. It is and was a moment to celebrate. A journey inward is set on its way and, for now, perhaps, at a place of completion.

A new journey calls, a journey (quite frankly) I never thought I’d take. A journey of soul-filling purpose and duty. A Journey biology was genuinely built for. A life-altering new world and path. One I didn’t believe I’d ever live in or on. A world of joy, legacy, and nurturing – in all the best and most challenging ways.  

A new phrase I never thought I’d utter; I am a father. And in adventurous fashion (the brand in which I attempt to live my life), I will not just be a father to a newborn baby. That is just not adventurous enough.

I will be a father to two newborn babies



Life feels exciting as I am in a state of anticipation and planning.

This year, in particular, has felt as though the path I travel down has been set for me. And here, I consider my objective in this task to commit to the best decade of my life. 

Tenet #1: Pursue Fearlessly, Embracing Failure as a Teacher

With children coming into my life, I will certainly have the opportunity to embrace failure. And I have found a sense of peace in resolving not to be attached to the outcome here and in other places in my life. I am certain to look foolish and make some ‘tropey’ dad mistakes. I look forward to what I’ll learn, to being present for each and every moment with my children, now until my end. 

There is a benefit to having children at this advanced (lol) age. I understand that life is not a destination but something only available in the present. Planning and strategizing are great, but it is not where life happens. This activity behavior only bends the now into what you wish it to become. Rarely do things end as planned. 

I am motivated to fail more. 

There has been a bit of a weight off my shoulders (interestingly enough). It is new and inspiring to live for someone else. Living trying to meet only your own needs and desires can be exhausting. It is analogous to trying to catch your own shadow. Because I equate failure with learning, I am far more willing to fail with this equation in mind. 

Currently, I am failing quite often in my business! And these failures contain lessons to which I owe a lot of learning.

Tenet #2: Connect and Engage with Relationships

I have traveled much of late, visiting those who I miss and should see more. I have visited my brother and his wife in Denver, my friends in New York, and I’ve had family come to visit me. It struck me during my visit to NYC in February; there are so many people that I love and seldom see. Just being with them is a reward in itself. And I’ve taken pains to ensure that is the case. With the passing of a dear friend, I am more aware than ever that the ‘time-spent-with’ is the essential stuff of life. 

I have built new and special relationships with those who report to me professionally, my coaching community, and more. It is not always easy to keep oneself open and vulnerable. The opposite mode was my habit for most of my life. 

And I have a relationship that has created children with which I want to grow and deepen. Ensuring that there is a balanced sense of care, concern, and connection and ensuring my fierce desire for independence and lack of constraint is considered. 

Tenet #3: Be Authentic

The challenge here is self-acceptance. It is now clear that I’ve been deathly afraid my entire life of being “found out.” As if some element of my person would reveal my unworthiness. My commitment to presence and disconnection from the outcome has helped in this. The damage of inauthenticity does not affect my life as it once did. However, a lot of energy is given to “catching” thoughts that drove behavior in the past. It is a daily practice at work, day-to-day and moment to moment.

I don’t have the level of shame that once existed when I compare myself to others, especially those who I admire. If and when I see that I fall short of their example, I only allow it to help chart my courses.

Tenet # 4: Accept Love With Humility and Grace

Where am I with this? Hmmm…

This is difficult. The reason being is that once I realized more and more boundary issues and beliefs that prevented me from accepting love, the easier and easier it became for me to achieve what I set out to do. Allow love. I think a simplification needs to be made. 

I’ve had the additional realization of late that sharing the feeling of love in traditional means contains a different meaning for me than it does for most. Professing love can feel like saying, “I will now put my needs aside and only see to yours.” Or… “I am committed to feeling this way forever.” Or…”Let us now allow the necessary and societal approved practices and standards of a common relationship.” 

Tenet #5: Experience Deeply

I think this is my favorite.

Say what you will about astrology; my sun sign is cancer. I’ve never truly felt it did much to describe me. However, I have come to know that I naturally feel very deeply, a trait commonly associated with cancer sun signs. I experience this frequently. And it has opened locked doors in my heart and soul. If there was ever a chance for my partner and me not to go through with the pregnancy, the veto vote did not come from my intellectual self. It came from somewhere deeper, a place that understood the determinist nature of our existence and embraced it. For example, I knew before she knew there was new life (I did not know there were two new lives).

I have been overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude this whole year, as I have noted time and again. I have also felt a sense of mercy that I have not experienced. It seems like it is coming from an external place, but it is really coming from me. I’m forgiving, letting go, not living in memory or mourning a great expectation. 

Tenet #6: Go Public

I’m learning much about marketing. I am connected, and I have a great mentor and guide. I am also sharing what I’ve learned, helping others to heal. And I’ve learned an important distinction here. There is a difference between healing and cure. They are two very different paths that sometimes (and honestly, very rarely) meet. This is where the community is important. As humans, we have a default ability to connect and help each other heal. This is what going public and being connected mean to me. The more public, the more connected, and the more healing. 

From a utilitarian standpoint, I am “putting myself out there.” I’m teaching and growing my yoga practice. I am doing my first seminar, “The Yoga Mindset.” I have scaled and improved my website, put together an email campaign, planned a podcast season, and posted regularly on Instagram and now LinkedIn. The process is helping me understand and solidify my knowledge as well.

Brining my full identity to light in social situations remains challenging, but more is happening in this domain then ever.

Updates and the Road Ahead

Previous 40’s Manifesto updates can be found HERE.

As I mentioned above, a simplification should happen at this point. Accepting love with Humility and Grace is wordy, but Allowing Love feels more open yet comments on both the resistance to accept and encompasses the humility that love requires.

As I moved through year 43, these tenets will be my guide as I consider family-building, new roles, and how I’ll ensure all parts of me will carry over the threshold. I can see many challenges ahead. I am inspired by them and moved to have them become the new context for my life.

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